


and you're gone and i can't do anything about it

by adorechan



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Harrington, M/M, Post-Season/Series 03, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, angst without happy ending, yes billys dead even though i wish he wasnt :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 02:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20789183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorechan/pseuds/adorechan
Summary: would everything be different if i let myself love you?-steve's always had a thing for billy hargove.he never does anything about it until its too late.





	and you're gone and i can't do anything about it

steve wonders if billy would still be alive if he had ever confessed to billy. maybe then he would notice the signs of possession by the mind flayer way earlier than the kids did. maybe billy wouldn't have tried to kill el. maybe billy would still be alive.

maybe he could have fixed everything that night when billy beat the shit out of him. maybe they could have talked it out instead of getting so violent. maybe he could have stopped billy from getting involved with all the fucked up stuff hawkins had going on that night. the year prior, and the year after. 

steve could have loved billy.

billy could have loved steve.

he just wishes so badly that billy was here, alive and all right, not six feet under like he was.

he remembers the day like yesterday, everyone does.

_steve can barely see but he sees the monster hover over the two on the floor._

_el's talking softly and at this distance he can't quite hear what's going on._

_she caresses his face and he stands with a yell as the tentacles pierce through his hands, his torso, his sides._

_then the monster just... falls away and billy falls to his knees, and finally to his back as max screams._

_she runs over, crying, screaming and steve's sure other people are screaming too._

_maybe even he is. he can't tell._

_he tries to make his way to the broken car in the front entrance because billy can't fucking be dead._

_but el sees him and shakes her head, crying as well._

_and he knows that billy is no longer in the shitty town called hawkins._

the things from that night still haunt him.

lots of things do.

sometimes he can't really remember the days before all the crazy stuff that happened in hawkins.

sometimes he can't remember the person he used to be or the person he's grown into.

sometimes he blames himself for everything that happened with billy.

it's not like he could have known.

he could have.

if he loved billy like he always wanted to.


End file.
